By Susie and Otto Collins
Why are some people successful at attracting a perfect partner and a great relationship and others are not?
The answer may surprise you...
A woman we'll call "Joyce" thought she was a great
"catch" and a "perfect partner" but she wondered why
her relationships always seemed to fail.
Here's what she wrote to us--
"I dated men of various ages and cultures but all my
relationships ended up in disaster. I constantly searched,
hoping for love to come my way. Then I started reading
your newsletters. I carried a lot of personal baggage from
my past and set unrealistic standards and expectations for
my lovers hoping they would fail because I was afraid to fail.
I was afraid they would hurt me and disappoint me, so I
made sure I would be in control when they did."
In this situation, Joyce has an incredible opportunity in
front of her. She can continue as she has been, being
fearful and attracting people who will disappoint her or
she can learn from what she has discovered about her
patterns from the past.
It's been our experience that we attract the people into our
lives who show us what we need to heal within ourselves, new
possibilities for the future, and the contrast of what we
want and don't want in our lives.
We take the rather contrarian view that there are no
relationship mistakes or failures and only opportunities to
heal, learn, grow and experience joy.
Even though Joyce thought her relationships were failures,
each one was actually another chance to become more
emotionally aware of what was going on inside her, what
she wanted for her life and to give her an opportunity to
heal and create new ways to do it differently.
What we have found is that we keep attracting the same
type of person, not just intimate partners, and experiences
into our lives until we heal the past and learn to "do it
differently."
Several years ago, Otto had a black Buick Century with
leather seats. He's very hot natured and since we live in Ohio
where the summers are very hot and humid, he suffered in
his hot car. He loved the way the car looked on the showroom
floor, but his day-to-day experience gave him a powerful
lesson of what he didn't want in a car. As you can imagine,
he made a clear intention through the power of contrast that
his next car would not be black or have leather seats.
He had an opportunity to learn this lesson when he was 18
years old and drove a black Ford Pinto station wagon with
no air-conditioning to Tampa, Florida at the beginning of
August. He swore then as he sat in traffic with sweat
dripping onto the steering wheel that he'd never have
another black car.
Obviously, he hadn't learned this lesson so he needed to
bring another black car into his experience.
The point is that Otto has finally learned from this
valuable experience and will not buy a black car with
leather seats again.
This story is an example of coming to an awareness of what
you want and what you don't want and of learning from past
experiences that are not "failures" but are opportunities
for expansion and growth.
What we are recommending is that you take the opportunity
to become emotionally aware, like Joyce did, as much of the
time as possible. Decide that you deserve to have a great
relationship and a great life, whatever that means to you.
We are inviting you to learn from the past and the power of
contrast so that you can begin creating the life you want.
Here are some ideas to help you...
1. Accept responsibility for your part in past relationships
that haven't worked out the way you wanted them to work
out. Look for reoccurring patterns that will show you
where you need to heal and then take steps to heal them.
2. Know that there's no such thing as failure in relationships,
only experiences that you may not have enjoyed. Identify
what you want and don't want in a relationship and partner.
3. Embrace the idea that no matter what has happened in
your relationships up until now, the future can be different.
Live from a place of possibility.
4. Be happy now. Find joy in being with the people who
you are in relationship with now and find ways to bring
happiness to others. When you are in a good-feeling
place and enjoying life, your perfect partner will show
up when you least expect it.
Let go of the past, embrace your promising future and
live every moment as if it were your last.
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