By: William Van Vechten
Beauty can be a distraction in today´s world. It is time to notice how you treat other people, especially those of the opposite sex. Not just people you know and like, but strangers as well. Do you treat them differently based upon how they appear? Do you treat beautiful people differently from average people? Do you avoid getting close to people who don´t meet your standard for good looks? Most of us do. Why? My theory is based upon ancient history. For thousands of years, before civilization as we now know it, before language was developed, our instincts told us that we must perpetuate the species. This meant not only creating children, but improving the species as well. Our attractions were based upon appearance. In cave-dweller days, men were motivated by an instinctual desire to impregnate women who would provide healthy and beautiful children. Therefore, they developed a strong visual component to their sexuality. They became most aware of the attributes which they interpreted as healthiness and fertility, such as breasts, legs, hips, hair, and face. Spotting such a woman at a distance might allow them to follow, befriend, and possibly impregnate this desirable baby creator. This instinctual behavior is still present, to varying degrees, in men today. Some men learn to hide this instinct and disguise the related behavior, because our society does not approve of it. Some macho men flaunt it, and choose to ignore how it makes women feel. Women, historically, have also been motivated by a similar interest in appearance. A man who is handsome, stands up straight, and has strength and agility is, at first glance, a good father for potential children. But women have also had to consider other important factors. While they are pregnant, and after they give birth, they need help. So women also needed to find a mate who could do more than just impregnate them. They needed a mate who would stay with them, protect them, and provide for them and the children. So finding an attractive mate is built into us at a primal level, somewhat more strongly in men than in women. There´s nothing wrong with it, of course. All else being equal, an attractive partner is better than an average or ugly one, right? That´s true. But all else is not equal in today´s world. We have visual influences on us that have not been part of our history. Magazines came first, then movies, then television, bringing us the ability to see things we might have never seen in a lifetime. One of these is a profusion of beautiful people. Models in magazines, and actors in movies and on television are better looking than the average person. And there are so many of them! Today, it is not unusual to have 100 or more channels available on your television, and almost every one shows ultra-beautiful people all the time. And just look at the magazines around the checkout counter at your local supermarket. With all this prevalent beauty, we tend to forget that what´s inside a person is more important. I claim that beauty can be a distraction. Beauty distracts from your ability to enjoy life and relationships if you place too much emphasis on it. If you are a woman who demands a man be incredibly handsome before you will consider him as a mate, you are potentially missing the love of your life. If you are a man who is constantly seeking the most beautiful women, you are cutting yourself off from a large number of fabulous potential partners. And you may be setting yourself up for disappointment. Beautiful people can be much more difficult than people of average looks. Not all of them are, of course. But I´ve found that some are conceited, self-centered, and unfriendly. Why? They have been given special treatment all their lives because they are beautful. They may expect exceptional treatment from others because they have always gotten it. Lots of average-looking people are easier to talk with, more friendly, more generous, and less demanding. And when you look deeper, sometimes you find much more. All my life, I looked for the most beautiful girls to date, mate, and marry. Of course, the most beautiful wouldn´t have anything to do with me, because I am not the most attractive man. It was my experience that the better looking women were more self-centered, selfish, and short-sighted. Maybe it was just their way of letting me know that I didn´t measure up to their standards, but I still felt the pain of hearing their dismissive remarks. When I met my wife Kathryn, I immediately saw her radiance. Her beautiful energy glows from her gorgeous eyes and her winning smile. Most people would not consider her good looking enough to be a model or a movie star. But a great deal of her beauty is beneath her skin. I see it plainly when I hold her and close my eyes. I have never before witnessed such beauty with my eyes open. Every morning when I wake, and every night when I fall asleep, I thank the Universe, and I thank her for all she is and all she does. So I´d like to make a suggestion. Begin to notice people that you wouldn´t have paid attention to before. Try to see them in a new way... not with your eyes, but with your other senses, and with your heart. You might find you want to get closer to them, to know them better. When you are alone with someone, try this practice. Close your eyes, and tune into the senses of touch, hearing, smell and taste. Look below the skin. Get to know their mind, heart, and values. Don´t talk much... listen and feel instead. Notice all that you can see with your eyes closed. You may find a great treasure hidden in an unexpected place! I did. If I hadn´t looked deeper, I might have shut myself off from the fabulous relationship that Kathryn and I share today! Copyright 2002 William Van Vechten. All rights reserved.
Beauty can be a distraction in today´s world. It is time to notice how you treat other people, especially those of the opposite sex. Not just people you know and like, but strangers as well. Do you treat them differently based upon how they appear? Do you treat beautiful people differently from average people? Do you avoid getting close to people who don´t meet your standard for good looks? Most of us do. Why? My theory is based upon ancient history. For thousands of years, before civilization as we now know it, before language was developed, our instincts told us that we must perpetuate the species. This meant not only creating children, but improving the species as well. Our attractions were based upon appearance. In cave-dweller days, men were motivated by an instinctual desire to impregnate women who would provide healthy and beautiful children. Therefore, they developed a strong visual component to their sexuality. They became most aware of the attributes which they interpreted as healthiness and fertility, such as breasts, legs, hips, hair, and face. Spotting such a woman at a distance might allow them to follow, befriend, and possibly impregnate this desirable baby creator. This instinctual behavior is still present, to varying degrees, in men today. Some men learn to hide this instinct and disguise the related behavior, because our society does not approve of it. Some macho men flaunt it, and choose to ignore how it makes women feel. Women, historically, have also been motivated by a similar interest in appearance. A man who is handsome, stands up straight, and has strength and agility is, at first glance, a good father for potential children. But women have also had to consider other important factors. While they are pregnant, and after they give birth, they need help. So women also needed to find a mate who could do more than just impregnate them. They needed a mate who would stay with them, protect them, and provide for them and the children. So finding an attractive mate is built into us at a primal level, somewhat more strongly in men than in women. There´s nothing wrong with it, of course. All else being equal, an attractive partner is better than an average or ugly one, right? That´s true. But all else is not equal in today´s world. We have visual influences on us that have not been part of our history. Magazines came first, then movies, then television, bringing us the ability to see things we might have never seen in a lifetime. One of these is a profusion of beautiful people. Models in magazines, and actors in movies and on television are better looking than the average person. And there are so many of them! Today, it is not unusual to have 100 or more channels available on your television, and almost every one shows ultra-beautiful people all the time. And just look at the magazines around the checkout counter at your local supermarket. With all this prevalent beauty, we tend to forget that what´s inside a person is more important. I claim that beauty can be a distraction. Beauty distracts from your ability to enjoy life and relationships if you place too much emphasis on it. If you are a woman who demands a man be incredibly handsome before you will consider him as a mate, you are potentially missing the love of your life. If you are a man who is constantly seeking the most beautiful women, you are cutting yourself off from a large number of fabulous potential partners. And you may be setting yourself up for disappointment. Beautiful people can be much more difficult than people of average looks. Not all of them are, of course. But I´ve found that some are conceited, self-centered, and unfriendly. Why? They have been given special treatment all their lives because they are beautful. They may expect exceptional treatment from others because they have always gotten it. Lots of average-looking people are easier to talk with, more friendly, more generous, and less demanding. And when you look deeper, sometimes you find much more. All my life, I looked for the most beautiful girls to date, mate, and marry. Of course, the most beautiful wouldn´t have anything to do with me, because I am not the most attractive man. It was my experience that the better looking women were more self-centered, selfish, and short-sighted. Maybe it was just their way of letting me know that I didn´t measure up to their standards, but I still felt the pain of hearing their dismissive remarks. When I met my wife Kathryn, I immediately saw her radiance. Her beautiful energy glows from her gorgeous eyes and her winning smile. Most people would not consider her good looking enough to be a model or a movie star. But a great deal of her beauty is beneath her skin. I see it plainly when I hold her and close my eyes. I have never before witnessed such beauty with my eyes open. Every morning when I wake, and every night when I fall asleep, I thank the Universe, and I thank her for all she is and all she does. So I´d like to make a suggestion. Begin to notice people that you wouldn´t have paid attention to before. Try to see them in a new way... not with your eyes, but with your other senses, and with your heart. You might find you want to get closer to them, to know them better. When you are alone with someone, try this practice. Close your eyes, and tune into the senses of touch, hearing, smell and taste. Look below the skin. Get to know their mind, heart, and values. Don´t talk much... listen and feel instead. Notice all that you can see with your eyes closed. You may find a great treasure hidden in an unexpected place! I did. If I hadn´t looked deeper, I might have shut myself off from the fabulous relationship that Kathryn and I share today! Copyright 2002 William Van Vechten. All rights reserved.
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